Directed by: Jordan Vogt-Roberts

Starring: Tom Hiddleston, Brie Larson, Samuel L. Jackson, John Goodman

Kong: Skull Island is a terrible movie. I have to tell you all straight away that this is an awful, awful movie that had so much potential. I sat through it bored and frowning at every inconsistency and poor judgement of filmmaking it had to offer. I’m sure you’d be happy knowing it’s a piece of trash but I think I have to at least explain myself so you can be prepared however, we should probably call this a rant, not a review.

The director, a small indie-Hollywood filmmaker, was chosen for this big franchise movie for an odd reason. It seems to be happening a lot in Hollywood at the moment, and whilst sometimes this works, here, it flat out stinks. Dan Gilroy (Nightcrawler) helped pen the film, and I’m confused as to how it is even possible, because the script is terrible. And Dan Gilroy is a good writer, so what went wrong here? Well first of all this is a sequel of sorts to 2014’s god awful ‘Godzilla,’ although that is without a doubt a better film. Warner Bros. are making a cinematic universe out of big monsters, others being Mothra along with King Kong, and I don’t see this working all too well personally, another failed property that Warner Bros. is working on. But you’re here for this movie, so lets get to it.

So to tell you the truth its going to be way to boring to write about the plot and actually remember the characters names. Because none of these characters are memorable. They are all underdeveloped, boring, uninspired and just flat. There were some serious miscasting’s here, especially with all this talent. Tom Hiddleston, a good actor of course, is just poor in this movie. He’s uncharismatic and has no character whatsoever, a monkey could have done his job. And one did. Kong, is probably the only interesting character in this movie, along with Jackson’s characters, a Vietnam war veteran who has some backstory and some good motivations, as well as John C.Reilly’s castaway character (I really don’t care for the names you’ll notice) who provides the hit and miss comic relief, who is pretty likable, especially during the ending scene. But the rest, meh.

So a group of soldiers, scientists, photographers and whatever go to the famous Skull Island and run into King Kong, to which the group… you know what, as I said, it’s too boring to talk about the plot. I was so bored and disappointed with this film at every point I feel like you should all expect what the plot is so there’s no point in going into it. I’ll be honest they only parts I like to this film are some cinematography and Kong’s action scenes which are pretty fine and exciting, but not enough to bring this film back up from the shallow pit it is in with me.

And its a real shame too! The looks of this film were promising, a kick-start to the franchise that would hopefully be better than Peter Jackson’s ‘King Kong’ which was fine but times are changing especially with the inclusion of other monsters. But what we get is a try-hard mashup of a Vietnam war film, with a giant ape in it. The film takes a lot of music coming from the Vietnam war and a lot of aspects from other films in this genre, especially from ‘Apocalypse Now’. One shot in particular makes a reference to the Denis Hopper among the tribesman scene from the film with John C.Reilly’s character, and whilst this is fine, it feels like the film is trying to show us it is a Vietnam war movie, but its not. Pointless, cringey shots of helicopters flying under the sun to Black Sabbath just gets old after a while.

My biggest problem however has to be the suspense of this movie. Sure, we know Kong is going to appear at some point, but in the first couple of minutes? And the first few minutes again when the characters get onto the island? And its exactly the same with all of the other monsters, there isn’t a big build up to keep you engaged, something that ‘Predator,’ a film with similar aspects did. No, it just shows you the monsters straight up and expects you to be still excited for the majority of the film. And it just falls flat.

There’s plenty of films coming out this next week that are worth seeing than this pile of Kong dung. If you missed this one this weekend and feel like giving it a go this week, save your money and go see ‘Get Out,’ which I hear is brilliant, and will review soon. If you do however, stick around till after the credits for a try-hard Marvel post-credits scene. It’s nothing exciting at all, but’ll give you something to poke fun at, as I did. Oh, and I recommend having a hard drink afterwards.

3/10