Abandon Ship.

Directed by Joachim Ronning and Espen Sandberg

Starring: Johnny Depp, Javier Bardem, Geoffrey Rush, Kaya Scodelario, Brenton Thwaites

It's been too long. And that's a bad thing. On Stranger Tides was six years ago, and after the sour taste that film left nobody cared for a fifth instalment of the Pirates franchise, I mean nobody wanted a fourth after the first three films really, which were evidently superior. Alas, Disney are here again with Dead Men Tell No Tales, and whilst I tried to be optimistic for this one, I was bored, unsettled and in the end expected everything that I thought this one would be.

So the movie starts with Henry Turner (Thwaites) the son of Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan, planning to find Poseidon's Trident, which breaks every curse in the sea - to which he hopes to break his father's curse which we see in At World's End. He runs into Captain Salazar (Bardem) a dead sea captain who was cursed a long time ago by Captain Jack Sparrow (Depp) and tells him to find Sparrow and warn him of his revenge. Henry and Sparrow meet, and along with astronomer Carina (Scodelario) the three plan to find he Trident, whilst being chased by Salazar and familiar face anti-hero Barbossa (Rush).

Now there are some entertaining moments in here. There are a couple of somewhat exciting action sequences and some funny lines, but what the film comes down to is a lack of innovative ideas. It doesn't do anything vastly new, it all looks the same and doesn't take us into an exciting new locations and most of the film just see's characters tied up being held captive. It happens a whole lot, and it's really boring. There are some god awful editing problems and continuity issues in just this film itself that are so blatantly obvious it's silly. And I know this is a kids film at heart, but it gets much worse.

The acting in this film is terrible, mostly from Thwaites, who's line delivery is just so uninspired and he doesn't feel like a real person in this world. He doesn't bounce off any of the characters and he's so boring to watch. Carina's character has an interesting storyline but ultimately she's just very plain and isn't at all thrilling. I will admit that Rush's performance is always welcomed and here is no different, and Bardem's Salazar, whilst cringe-worthy at most times, is still fun for the fact that you can tell Bardem is having a good time with the character and this is the same with Rush. But what brings this film horribly down, is Johnny Depp. Sparrow is an amazing, iconic and hilarious character and Depp has always brought him to life with such talent - but this instalment shows Depp's laziness, arrogance and terrible attitude in playing the character. He really isn't having a good time here and shows it well, he doesn't have the same charm as before and you can tell he's just not bothered.

If anything, this one seems like Fast and Furious but at sea. The plot feels very cliched and just annoying at times. It would have been nice to see the relationship with Sparrow and Salazar played out more but unfortunately the development isn't there and feels like there is no point. Some of the side characters really don't need to be here either and so many scenes could have been cut that don't go anywhere. The CGI in this is terrible as to be expected, but some of it feels really pointless. One scene with a guillotine is done in this way and it feels as though the team behind this were feeling lazy enough to just make one with a computer. And that's how I'd describe this film in one word: Lazy.

I didn't expect to be blown away by this film but I at least expected some effort. It feels like nobody is enjoying themselves and it's a darn shame, because I would have liked to have been reinvested in this series again but it feels as though the wait has just been too long. Maybe Disney just need to stop and put this one to bed, because judging by how many people were in the cinema, like this film, nobody is interested anymore.

The Good

- Rush and Bardem

- Various action sequences

The Bad

- Lazy, uninspired performances

- Editing issues

- Pointless scenes and characters

- Stale plot and world

- Un-needed CGI

3/10