So this blog is gonna be a bit different, and important. As some may know I have started posting an every other week blog on a Saturday that is more personal and away from the medium of film, my Comic Con one appearing the other day. Now I'd be doing this blog this Saturday but I've swapped it around with my usual Thursday blog as this Thursday, the 20th April 2017, is an important date to me. Eleven years ago today I lost my older brother Joel in a car accident.

The day before my tenth birthday, Joel, 15 at the time - went out for a joyride in my mum and dad's car. I came home from my aunt and uncle's on the night of the 20th April 2006, excited for my birthday the following day. I came home to find loads of family members filling my living room. My mum and dad took me upstairs and told me that Joel and his friend Spud, who joined him, died in a car crash. I remember my heart feeling like it was exploding.

Joel wasn't a bad kid, he just loved cars, and couldn't wait to learn to drive. I remember getting his old room when he passed away, and all of the Audi related merchandise he had stayed right where it was. It's a little weird to think that it's been over ten years it happened. Part of me didn't fully understand it, and the grieving period for the whole family was extremely difficult as you would imagine, for me I can't remember everything, other than the fact I felt like the world was ending.

After that, my parents had me see a councilor to help my grieving which kind of worked. I had a lot of people help me, but what really helped me was actually coming to terms with things on my own. The first day back at school after two months of being off was a deep memory too, but in the end those are only the most upsetting memories. I've taken lots of the good with me and if anything that really helped me as a child get through it - and he's still something that inspires me even today.

Joel was my idol, my role model. The guy who told the bullies off for me, the guy who I'd have endless PS2 sessions with, and the guy who got me to start watching movies properly. We trusted eachother completely, and he really helped me come out of my shell when I was only young. He taught me a lot about myself and I learnt a whole lot from him too. He was fantastic, and anybody would have been lucky to have his as their older brother. And he was my brother. I feel like making this blog as a tribute not only helps me hold on to the memories but also reminds me that in a way he's still here with me. Me and my family have moved on, but he is always still in our hearts, all the time. 

Thank you Joel, for being my big brother. Love you man, we all miss you.